And part of that comes from the type of personality I have.
I am a fairly analytical person. I also had an aptitude for math and science growing up and really enjoyed my research classes in college. In one of my research classes we learned about the balance that stores have of keeping an item on the shelf and at the perfect price to make the highest profit. Too little supply, and you run out of the item therefore losing profit, right? And too much supply at too high a price means no sale, therefore also losing profit.
And in my mind, I started to realize that in life there exists probabilities of having optimum outcomes in a lot of what we do day to day. So there is a way to do the dishes where you get them the cleanest with the least amount of time. There is a way to run errands in the most efficient amount of time. Etc
And so many of us do these things naturally without too much thinking. We know that if we let the dishes sit with ketchup and spaghetti sauce for days, the time spent cleaning them up will be WAY more than if we just sucked it up and washed them right away.
But for me, once I would find those “best systems” for whatever situation in my life, family, household, route to work, etc, that becomes THE way.
Have I lost you yet? lol
Well, that’s how my mind kind of works. So this struggle with perfectionism comes in because I have that natural tendency to always be “recalculating” the “best” way to do something. I’m the kind of person who researches the fastest way to put on a duvet cover lol. (Here’s the link btw!)
And I have some great systems in place in my home that really helps me to stay on top of the chaos while still investing in my family.
But the downside to having this sort of mindset is that I give myself almost no grace when I fail. And when I fail, I start to feel like I have no value. Because in a mathematical systems view of your life, failure means less value, right?
It’s this total mess of a way of viewing yourself, but it is my struggle. Something that God has to teach me over and over through His word that my value is not in what I do but in who HE is. And in His love for me.
So what’s your struggle? What’s the thing in your life that when you feel like a failure you feel like your value of yourself goes down. Maybe it’s when your kid yells “I hate you”, or when you and your husband aren’t connecting. When you go to someone’s house who makes more money that you, has cuter stuff than you, or who seems to just “have it all together” and you are barely holding it together.
Maybe you have gone through a divorce, or loss of a loved one, or a miscarriage.
When does the enemy attack you the most? What’s your weakness? What’s your struggle?
God believes you are valuable. God loves you and made you just the way you are. And God wants to be in relationship with you, even when you have failed or feel like a failure.
I want to just let the Bible speak for itself from here on out. Here are a list of verses for you to read when you feel like a failure.
Psalm 139:14 – I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
1 Peter 5:7 – Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.
1 Peter 1:18-19 – For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your ancestors, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect.
John 3:16 – For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.
Romans 5:8 – But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Psalm 94:19 – When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 – But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about weakness, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Matthew 6:28-30 – And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you- you of little faith?
You are loved.